Thursday, June 21, 2001

what an uneventful day it was! woohoo...I guess...we made cookies tonight that i need to send to Tim...but that's about all that I've done in a whole day...well that and laundry...but I suppose that isn't that exciting either.

hmm...thoughts for today...I've noticed lately that people seem to come to me to vent and to get advice or whatever for their problems and situations. I mean it's not that I mind...but I just can't understand why me? I kinda feel like I dont really know what to say half the time. Evidentally though it's good enough that people keep asking me for advice and the opportunity to listen to their problems and to be trusted with their confidentiality. Sometimes though it gets kind of wieghted....I mean it really hurts me when my friends hurt...maybe I should start a help line or something...haha

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

well I just got back from my extremely entertaining orientation up at WCU. I must say I am now actually really ready to go...more so than before. Now that I know some people and sorta know my way around campus and what to expect more now. I had a great time just hanging out at night in the dorms durring our big "parties" haha...and watching me try to dance was evidentally an interesting and entertaining experience b/c they kept insisting I keep doing it. haha It was all in good fun though...I just realized just how white I am! haha But it was a good trip and I can't wait to get back now! 2 months and counting!!!

But back to the guy situation from the previous post...now that I've actually been away from civilization for a few days and gotten the chance to see sorta what things are going to be like next year when I wont be near the past so to say...But I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do about one person b/c it seems so right but at the same time so wrong. And I dont know what that means or what I'm supposed to do. I mean I think I know what he'd say if I brought it up...which is why I haven't...but then again, part of me wonders if that is really what he'll say, or if he'll surprise me and things have really honestly changed and if that is true, I'm afraid I'll be even more confused. Because all he has to say is the one thing I dont know if he will or not...and if he were to say it, then...I dont know what I'd do...I mean, yeah I'd be happy, but then it'd just make things harder I think...arg!!! Should I ask...or just wonder?

Well it seems that things are deffinetly changing a ton lately. I mean I know they're supposed to at this point, but it's just really overwhelming more than anything I think. I just think it's all weird b/c you never really think you'll get to this point in your life...and then when it's here, you dont know what to do. Or you keep thinking you want this one guy b/c he makes you think, and that's kinda fun...ahh...dont take that the wrong way...I literally means, he makes me think more about things in general...life...and I dont know why I find that attractive, but it is evidentally...oh well...another one that will not know...hehe

Well enough for now...I'm going to go unpack and get the sleep I haven't gotten over the past few days.


Sunday, June 17, 2001

Well I decided to start one of these things to help me vent through some of the joyous happenings and thoughts going on. I'm much better at venting to no one in particular than to just one person. I dunno...maybe I'm just a weird kid who likes to write. I'll let you decide how you will.

So I meet this guy (well not really meet, I'm not too good at actually talking to him) but anyway...new guy and I asked some of his friends about him b/c I thought he was kinda cute. Well to back this up a bit, I have this incredibly high set of standards for my "ideal" guy. I was begining to think that I was being way too incredibly picky and that I shouldn't wait around to see if I could actually find this guy....
So back to the story at hand....so yeah, this guy who shall remain nameless...only a select few know who I am refering to...turns out to be exactly what I'm looking for. And now you're thinking "well that's awesome! So you're pursuing him, right?"
Not exactly...see the whole situation isn't one that would be too likely to work. Not at this point right now...just for many reasons such as locations and me going to school and his job that doesn't exactly keep him around here too much...so anyways...the reason I'm even bringing him up is b/c I realized at that time that my standards are not impossible to meet, so why should I settle for less than what I want? Which was a good conclusion to come to...but then why did I feel so...bad? Maybe b/c my heart was with someone else who wasn't all of the above and it made me wonder. And wondering is a bad thing, b/c if I'm wondering then am I really still sure of it??? Of course not...and that's bad...b/c now I dont know what to do. I mean that situation is weird enough as is, but this only makes it weirder on my part now.

Well it's off to good ol' WCU tomorrow for a few days of orientation and mingling. This should be an interesting adventure I'm sure.